The Future

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
-Mark Twain

I wonder if I make more of issues in my life than I should. Humans are really very interesting creatures that we are able to ponder and imagine as much as we do. This is both a gift and a curse of course, depending on your mood and your perspective. You can look at a given situation and imagine how wonderful the future could be or despair at what could go wrong! In my experience things rarely work out like I thought, either for the good or the bad.

I spend a great deal of time thinking about things in my life, and I wonder if much of that effort is wasted time and energy. I do get into the trap of churning over things, which leads literally to nowhere other than to drive me crazy. I know I do this, so when I find myself falling into a trap of churning over a topic I force myself to stop thinking about it.

Acting without any thought doesn't seem like the best approach to life either, I have a very stupid impulsive side that takes hold from time to time, and rarely am I happy with the results although when I am being impulsive at that moment, it does feel very liberating, even when I do something I know is basically stupid. Of course that "high" of doing something impulsive lasts about 10 seconds, while the implications of these impulsive decisions can last a lifetime.

Finding the balance between being thoughtful about life and avoiding mental churn is really the key for me. I tend to fall on the side of over-thinking things for the most part which I know some people don't understand.

I am not surprised people "find" religion in the grand scheme of life. I think those with faith must find a lot of comfort when struggling with the various things that come up, not to mention religion often offers a set of instructions to deal with things.

The theory of just living life, and not stressing too much is something I very much agree with on an intellectual level, but I can't seem to internalize this approach to life. I tend to brood over things, I really wish I could deny this, but its true. In the movies the girls always love the brooding mysterious guy, the reality is the brooding guy isn't really that much fun! Maybe I just need to drink, that seems to eliminate brooding and what could go wrong with that plan?!

"Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life."
-Mark Twain

Self Worth

When we are teenagers a great deal of our feelings of self worth come from what our peers think of us. How we are perceived by the people who count in our lives basically frames what we think of ourselves. As we get older and more mature the opinion of our peers generally matters less as we grow more self confident.

I believe how we think about ourselves is always a mix of our own internal commentary and the opinion of those around us, this mix is often in flux. It takes a very strong person who is really confident in their own skin not to be influenced about what others think of us, especially those whose opinions matter most.

How do we know what others think of us? They often tell us! Words from the people you love are absolutely key...the right words or the wrong words can either build us up or destroy us. I think the basic difference between adults and teenagers in this regards is whose opinion matters. When we are teenagers, we often value peoples opinions who we don't like, let alone that we are close to. As we get older we understand that most peoples opinions don't really matter. We become selective in who we listen to, and who we want to impress. Its part of our hardwiring as social creatures, we want to build bonds with each other and the best way to build bonds is to have others like and love us.

When I was a young buck and had the world by its tail I really didn't care what anyone thought of me. I had many friends in university and I really thought I knew all about the world and how things worked and was extremely confident in my approach. I think this was in part because I was in such great physical shape, not only was I fighting fires in the summer I spent 2 hours a day in the gym. I was pretty selfish and thought I had all the answers, so peoples opinions really didn't matter that much. I didn't really look externally for validation as I believed I knew everything better than anyone else!

Now that I am older, the one thing in life that I know for certain is that I don't know all of the answers. Maybe that is really the key to maturing, that we realize we don't know it all, but it really should go hand-in-hand with not looking that hard for external validation.

I've been going through a number of existential issues as of late, one of which is my own worth...what value do I add to my relationships? What value do I add to work? To life etc? How does my own opinion reflect the reality? Maybe it is a completely futile to even try to define this, but for whatever reason this is something I have been pondering over the last little while. I think it is all part of my effort to take stock of my life, and where I am on this crazy ride. Maybe it is a mid-life crisis!!! I know a little sports car will solve all of these problems!!

I think for awhile I greatly overestimated what value I add to many of the aspects of my life, that is work and relationships etc. Its not a bad thing to have a more realistic view of the world, and realize that I don't add anything particularly special to the mix, we can't all be superstars and that is ok. Maybe being ok with being painfully normal is really a secret to being happy and accepting of life.

I will let you know!

Chiropractors - What you need to know!

Since I have had so much backpain as of late, many well-meaning but totally misguided friends have suggested I visit a chiropractor. I reject the idea outright, because quite frankly it's for the most part a complete scam and a danger. I thought I would put together a bit of information which better proves my point rather than just sound like an opinionated oaf!

Anyone want to guess who created chiropractic medicine? What kind of medical expert discovered the merits of this "science" through years of painstaking research?! Oh, well it wasn't a doctor, nor a specialist in anatomy, nope it was a grocer...yes that's right, the creator of this wonderful medical procedure was a grocer!!! Daniel David Palmer, not only was a grocer but he also practiced the art of magnetic healing. Don't fear he did read some books on anatomy before he began suggesting that people pull on each others spines. His central theory was that a subluxated vertebra… is the cause of 95 percent of all diseases. …The other five percent is caused by displaced joints other than those of the vertebral. Do you believe that?! All disease is caused by the spine?! seriously what the fuck?! Ok, we know better now right?

The Association of Chiropractic Colleges bolstered support for this theory in 1996 when the presidents of all 16 North American chiropractic colleges reached a consensus and issued a position paper stating that "Chiropractic is concerned with the preservation and restoration of health, and focuses particular attention on the subluxation."
(Association of Chiropractic Colleges. A position paper on chiropractic. Journal of Manipulative and Physiological Therapeutics 19:633-637, 1997)

So the question begging to be answered is what is a subluxated vertebra? According to Wikipedia a vertebral subluxation is defined by chiropractors as a relatively common condition in which a spinal vertebra has lost its proper juxtaposition with one or both of its neighboring vertebrae.

Well that is not entirely acurate if you google this subject you will find that some chiropractors argue that subluxation may not only be out of place vertebra but it could also be joints or joint mobility or pinched nerves or...well the list goes on, it turns out that lots of chiropractors have lots of ideas about what subluxation is, but they hold one thing in common...give them money, and dammit they will fix it! And fixing it can cure not only backpain, but also asthma, acne, arthritus, MS, high blod pressure hell...it can even help with cancer! Don't believe me? Google for a chiropractor and see the claims they make.

Listen to how one site explains subluxation

When spinal bones are not in their proper place, the openings between them can narrow. The vertebrae can impinge on the nerves branching out from these spaces. This is commonly, though inaccurately, known as a "pinched nerve."

This interferes with the normal flow of energy along the nerve fibers. Messages traveling along the nerves will be distorted. If the full, normal energy flow cannot pass to and from the brain, some part of the body will be adversely affected

I guess I missed the part where energy passed through nerve endings...love the new age twist to it, very much like the other favorite of mine "Chi". Sorry to break it to the world, our nerves are not like fucking hoses!!! Seriously...people buy this crap!?

From the same site:

Unfortunately, there are many cells and organs in the body that do not send out any alarms to alert us that they are not functioning at 100% capacity. Because of vertebral subluxations, they will not be receiving a normal flow of energy. The instructions from the body's Innate Intelligence will not be getting through properly.

If a subluxation continues undetected, the organ may suffer great damage, yet we won't even be aware of it! Because subluxations can destroy a person's health without any visible signs, they are often called "the silent killer."

Ummmm...wow...

There is evidence that spinal manipulation can help with back pain and neck pain, I will not deny that. By spinal manipulation I mean, stretching, physical therapy, massage etc! According to a study published in the October 8, 1998, New England Journal of Medicine, spinal manipulation done by a chiropractor may be no more effective than physical therapy in the treatment of back pain and only marginally more effective than following a self-help instruction booklet. hmmm stretching yourself maybe as effective as paying thousands of dollars to a chiropractor...interesting!

I will address neck manipulations in another blog...because they are just wow...so bad I cant stand it...

First Time

I had my first ever massage at the hands of a professional yesterday. I know many people make use of the services of a masseuse, but I never have. I have been having back and chest pain due to stress for the last 8 weeks or so, a friend suggested that I try a massage to see if it would help. The very idea of some stranger touching me has always put me off getting a proper massage, but my back has really been driving me crazy, so I thought why not?! and went for it and booked at 60 minute massage at the spa close to my house.

After I arrived and filled out the forms they make you fill out I was led to a little dark room where there was some new age mellow music playing. The masseuse (Mary) told me to strip down then get under the blanket on the table...I was like "Can I just take my shirt off?" and she said I could do whatever I am comfortable with, but she noted most people stripped to their underwear. This is very weird, getting practically naked so a woman I don't know can oil me down and rub me! Ug, I decided that I better put that thought out of my mind, and just try to relax and go with the flow. So I relented and stripped to my underpants (as my son loves to call them) and climbed on the table.

A minute or so passed and she returned and the massage began. I was still thinking how totally strange it was to have some woman I don't know touch me in such a familiar way. She managed to zero in on the exact spots on my back and shoulders where I hurt. I was literally amazed that she seemed to know exactly where my trouble areas were and work on them. I had to remind myself more than once to just relax and not stress about the experience.

This maybe silly, but I think the physical touch of another human being is something we all need and is something I was missing. My son is very physical with me, that is not only do we play fight all the time, but he likes to sit on me, and hug me, and cuddle with me. He hasn't been around for more than a week and I think I really missed the physical contact. Just being touched was something I guess I was missing, and I didn't realize how much until I was having the massage.

I found the whole thing to be a positive experience, it really helped my back which was the entire point, it pushed me outside of my comfort zone...which is another good thing. I still find the idea of a stranger touching you to be very weird, especially at how close she was, I could literally feel her breath on me a few times. I have booked another massage a week and a half from now, I think since I've been through it once and have an idea of what to expect I should be able to relax more. Overall this is something I would recommend, especially if you can turn off your own internal commentary!!

Days

Broken Dreams
Days march on
Doors begin to close
Clouds gather on the horizon
Something changes

Hold my breath
Reach out and take a hold
The mist parts

An old man smiles
The sunlight drips though
Azure skies
morning dew between toes
The search
Does it ever end?